ASK WILLY

Questions for Willy

How do I know if I am ready for sex ?

If you ask yourself, do I want to have sex ? Do I like, love , trust, care for, and respect the other person? If you say no to any of these think about why you are considering having sex . If it's easier to have sex than to say no, or you are afraid you will lose your girlfriend or boyfriend if you don't have sex, the chances are you might regret it later on. It might help to talk this over with somone you trust. If you have any doubts at all you might be better waiting until you are sure.

If I go to the clinic and get condoms will they tell my Mum?

No they won't tell your mum, or anyone else for that matter. In Scotland you have a right to confidentiality even if you are under sixteen, as long as you are not in harm or harming others. If it was thought that you or someone else was at serious risk, the staff would discuss the situation with you and in certain situations they might need to pass some information on. Where possible this will happen with your knowledge and permission.

My boyfriend has said that if I really love him I wouldn't make him wear a condom. What do you think?

If you want to have sex and avoid sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy then using a condom is the only way to do this. Looking after your own health and your boyfriend's health is a sign that you care about yourself and him. We each need to take responsibility for our own health and insisting on using condoms is your right. You may want to think about whether someone who doesn't respect your rights really loves you and whether you want to be in a relationship with them.

I recently had sex with my partner for the first time. We talked about it beforehand, we used condoms , and both wanted to do it. It wasn't bad but I've decided I don't want to do it again for a while. Do you think my partner will understand?

A relationship is a two way process. It sounds like you already have a good relationship as you were both able to talk about sex and plan for it. Starting a sexual relationship isn't easy and it can take a while for both partners to figure out what they really want. If the earth didn't move the first time, don't panic. No two sexual experiences are the same. Good sex is about having fun and learning what you both like. A good lover is not just someone who knows what to do, but what to ask too.

The other boys in my class keep saying I am gay because I'm not having sex with girls. What should I do?

Having sex because your pals say you should could make you regret it. Your first time is important and you want to remember it as something special. Make sure that when the time comes it is what you really want. In terms of them saying you are gay , so what if you are? Some people are gay , some are straight, and some are bisexual . Part of growing up sometimes means we are unsure about who we fancy and what we want. Whoever you fancy, if you have sex make sure it is for the right reasons.

The other boys in my class keep telling me they are having loads of sex . I'm not and I feel like the odd one out. Help!

I bet most of the boys in your class are not having nearly as much sex and they say they are. Even if some of them are having sex it's important not to be pressurised into having sex before you are really ready for it. Your pals might tell you you're gay , boring, immature, or scared if you haven't lost your virginity, which isn't true. We all mature at different speeds and what suits one person won't suit another. It's ok for boys to choose to wait until they are older before they have sex .

Is it really true that girls are only interested in loving relationships and boys would much rather just have sex ?

In a word, no! Some girls want loving relationships , but so do some boys. Some boys just want sex , but so do some girls. Boys can feel pressure to always be 'up for it' and brag about sex . Girls can find it hard to say they just want sex because they might be called a slut or a tart . This means some boys make up stories to appear cool, and some girls say they are virgins even if they aren't. Boys and girls can and do feel the same about a lot of this. Remember. Be Safe. Be Sure. Be Yourself.

What would you do if you had sex and the condom burst?

If you have any kind of unsafe vaginal sex (eg you didn't use a condom , or it split or came off during sex ) there's a risk that you or your partner could become pregnant . You can get free emergency-contraception from sexual health services, some local chemists, your GP, and A&E departments at hospitals. As well as pregnancy you need to think about STIs . If you think you have been at risk you should get a sexual health check up. See 'sex info in your area' page for details of local clinics.

What is an STI ?

STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection. These are infections passed on through sexual contact with others. Some examples of STIs are crabs, chlamydia, and syphilis. There are many more. Some STIs don't have symptoms. This means people have them and don't know. They are then passed onto others without anyone realising. The good news is that most STIs are easily treated. If you have been at risk go for a sexual health check up. Use the 'sex info in your area' page to find local clinics.

What is safer sex and how do I do it?

Safer sex is protecting you and your partner from STIs by making sex as safe as possible. For safer sex always use a condom when having vaginal or anal sex . Using water based lubricant can make sex more comfortable and reduce the risk of condoms breaking during sex . Sex isn't just about shagging . Kissing, hugging, stroking, massaging , and wanking can all be enjoyable and are safer too. Talking about sex before you do it is safe. That way you both agree what you do and don't want to happen.

How can I tell if my penis is big enough?

The simple answer is that it's almost certainly big enough. Boys are all kinds of shapes and sizes. The size of your penis has nothing to do with how attractive you are or if you are a nice person. If someone loves you and cares for you the size of your penis won't matter to them. You could have a huge penis, a great six pack, and loads of money but all those things don't make you instantly attractive. People are interested in the whole person, inside and out, not just certain body parts.